Rant Fever 2.0

The Year of Jane Austen, Part II

el Seco — 2010-03-01 12:43:49

Okay, Jane Austen fans, March is here and so is the second installment of the reading schedule. So today I will begin reading Sense and Sensibility. So go to your private library, your public library, or your local book store and get you a copy because the reading starts now.

Ready?

Go!

For those interested, when I am done reading this book, I will watch the BBC (2008) mini-series Sense and Sensibility, not the version with Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet. I have never seen the BBC version, but I understand it is a bit different and quite good. Happy reading, everyone!

Should I stay or should I go now?

Giullieta — 2010-02-21 18:32:23

Okay, so I’ve stuck with it. I gave myself a new resolution, and I haven‘t let go. With steadfast determination, I’ve moved into the future, head held high, hopeful and confident, and prime for getting smacked in the face with the frying pan of fear. Did I say frying pan? I meant Mack Truck. It left me lying on the pavement, flattened and bewildered, wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do with my life. What HAVE I been doing with my life? Where the heck am I going with all of this??

At church today, one of the elder sister missionaries saw the lack of color in my face, and came up to talk to me. She put her arm around my shoulders and lovingly told me that everything was going to be alright. She then recommended a book about being an older single woman that she thought would offer some encouragement. I had to shake myself momentarily out of the month-long daze I’ve been in so that I could look at her and say “huh?” Then I actually started to laugh because for once, that subject was the one thing I hadn’t been thinking about. It was everything else that terrified me. But I did take a moment to pat myself on the back because I realized I had lost a great deal of sensitivity to such a comment. And then of course, I went right back to panicking.

I’m deadlocked. I’m living in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, after many emotional, biological and monetary sacrifices. Getting here, and moreover staying here was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life up to now. But it was worth it. I love, love, love this city, the countryside, the people, the cultural exchange. I hate, hate, hate being destitute, in a job with no future, without the language skills or educational background to find anything better. The thing is, I suddenly realized that if I’m going to be alone, I have to own my own life from beginning to end. That means real career, real home, real goals and real life planning. Not this grand exotic stalling tactic that is my life right now.

What am I supposed to do? Try to find a way to make this work in the long term? I thought that all I had to do was get here, and then I’d find a way to make it work. But I’m locked in this little cage called “language barrier” located in a cement room called “work visa” in a giant high security prison known as “non-eu citizenship” (stupid slavic language with too many declensions).

And I miss my family. Mostly my nephew. The day he was born was the happiest of my life, and I spent every day of his first year holding and playing with him as much as I could. Have I wasted the time I’ve been away from him? Now he has a little sister, and I’m going to miss watching her grow up too. I’ve started to wonder if the next best thing to having my own family would be to spend as much time as I can with them. But going home feels like admitting defeat. And if I do leave, I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance to come back. Not to mention starting all over again, AGAIN. After living here, Denver sounds flat and ugly. No Saturday trips to quaint little villages, no castles, no berry picking in magical green forests. On one hand I’ve got family and the American economy, on the other I have beauty, culture, great public transportation and free healthcare (including dental). In what way should I nourish my life while cultivating a future? Ugh, my knees are going to be sore after this one. But just in case, ya’ll should come and visit while you can.

Street Cred

el Seco — 2010-02-04 14:30:49

On my way to work yesterday, I was sitting at a red light when I heard some yelling. It was coming from the red SUV to my left. I could tell the man yelling was directing it at me. I rolled down my window to hear him better. He offered to sell me some speakers for cheap. He let me know that he had gotten then for free, but that they were worth two thousand dollars, and he was going to give them to me for very cheap. I told him I wasn't interested and went on my merry way.

A New Resolve

Giullieta — 2010-01-24 08:36:08

Going home was weird. The American Christmas whirlwind is only just beginning to settle, but it’s bizarre to have built two completely separate identities that I can so quickly jump in and out of.

Here’s the problem. I regularly do stupid things that I know are stupid realizing that there will be little support from friends after I do the stupid thing because they initially told me it was stupid. But I do them anyway, because there’s this little itchy part of me that says “hey, maybe it’s not as stupid as it looks???” but of course, we all know it is.

So I kind of . . . sort of . . . hooked up with my ex while I was back home. I know, I know, sooo stupid. But the deluded part of my brain was telling me “you’ve changed, he’s changed, maybe you should try again. After all, you were a bitter wretch last time you were with this guy,” and wistful memories of the time we were together came flooding in. In the end I came to realize that it wasn’t really him that I was ever crazy about. It was his apartment in a 19^th century house on capital hill. It was meeting him after work at his job downtown. It was the picture of John Cusack holding a stereo over his head on the wall next to the Bob Dylan records on his mantle. It was the music he listened to, the movies he liked, the books he read, the trivia he knew. All of the crap that looks so perfect on a facebook page, but means absolutely nothing when it comes to personal connection.

Now I’m left with a feeling of utter ickiness. Could this be due to the fact that I hooked up with my ex purely out of convenience knowing that the spark would neatly fizzle as soon as I went back to Prague? . . . Okay, partly . . . but it’s also from the realization that so many friendships and relationships have been based on such trivial crap. For years, I, and many like myself, have been using such criterion to determine interpersonal relationships. But all it does is fog up interactions that would have otherwise been exposed as a waste of time. Perhaps it’s about time I stepped off that bridge leading out of adolescence, though it’s strange what we hold on to in the name of comfort.

But I digress (as I so often do). Now that one relationship has died and I’m left looking at a blank slate ahead of me, I have to push the reset button on the part of my brain that hopes for a romantic future. I’m noticing that the letters on that button are beginning to fade, it’s been pressed so often. And last night, I was wondering why and whether that button was even necessary. So I called up my sister for some sisterly advice. We talked about dealing with age and not getting what we want. She’s 7 years my senior, but had her first child little over a year ago. She’s also one of the few people I trust to commiserate because she truly realizes my plight.

And this she says: that as women, particularly women in the church, more particularly women in the church with a patriarchal blessing, it’s easy to make the mistake of becoming engrained with a sense of entitlement. The belief that we deserve a husband a home and a family, and a great injustice is being done if we don’t get it. But God wants his children born into gospel-oriented families. He’s not holding them hostage from us. What he does is his business, and whatever reasons there may be, they’re his reasons.

She also told me that before she became pregnant, she had to give up that sense of entitlement. She described the moment when she was able to look at her husband and tell him that she’d be perfectly happy if it was just the two of them for the rest of their lives. And she knew that she really would be, and was finally able to stop worrying about whether or not it would happen for her.

I have to do that too. It’s a little harder, seeing as I can’t hold my own hand and look into my own eyes, and say I’d be happy even if it’s just us. Well I could, but . . . well anyway. Therefore I’m erasing all resolutions for the new year, and am making a new promise: I will go forward with the mindset that it may only ever be just me, and I will find a way to be happy with it.

That’s it. Little words, big commitment. It’s likely to take up most of my energy, so I’m loath to make additional promises. 2010 take 2, and action!

Anouncement

el Seco — 2010-01-20 15:23:44

I want to go on the record here: I'm with Coco.

I think we've all arrived at a very special place...spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.

Janeheiress — 2010-01-10 23:04:28

I was doing some preliminary research for a project when I came across this sentence:

So she went to the local community college and remembers that in some way she had become "less ambitious than when I was younger."The first thing I noticed was the pronoun disagreement, but since I've not had any formal grammar training since 8th grade and wanted to be sure my suspicions about how to use brackets were accurate, I passed on the sentence to the trusty Green, asking if it was correct. Her response:

Absolutely not. I don't know where this writer got a degree, or what the copyeditor was thinking. Mixing up tenses and subject-verb agreement is something you should expect to get right by the time you leave elementary school. It should run:
So she went to the local community college and remembered that in some way she had become "less ambitious than when [she] was younger."

And even that is a sloppy sentence. This is why I quit journalism.

I busted out laughing when I realized that, in addition to the pronoun disagreement, the author managed to squeeze present tense, past tense, and past perfect all in one sentence. This was not just some blog post (I'm certainly not innocent there). This was a report of an empirical study, published in a peer-reviewed journal. What does that say about those who call themselves scholars?

How important is grammar, really? Should it be a basic expectation in any kind of scholarly communication? I think so, but I also feel that the disregard for correctness in writing in all places is diminishing the beauty of written communication. The above example is from 1995, so it has nothing to do with texting, tweeting, or internet communication in general. But Web 2.0 is certainly not helping the problem, when a blogger's foremost credential is how many readers they persuade to return from day to day.

So is the English language in danger? Probably not any more than it was when "ain't" was added to the dictionary. But such a disregard for quality writing--and editing--still irks me sometimes.

Oh, well. Some rules are stupid anyway, as evidenced by the frequent use of the "singular their" by Austen, Shakespeare, The King James Bible, and many many others.

Northanger Abbey

Dubya — 2010-01-05 14:20:33

I just finished the twelfth of thirty-one chapters. A few of my thoughts so far:

As el Seco pointed out on the Higher Drama Book Club website, one gets the feeling that a young Jane Austen based the leading female character (Miss Morland) at least loosely on herself at that age. It is a comfort that Miss Morland is an avid reader; it is a trait I can identify with.

I would venture to say that Austen has such a knowledge of people and such a talent for writing people that her characters are exceedingly genuine; Mr. Thorpe, Miss Thorpe and Mrs. Allen in particular stand out as archetypes of personalities that exist even today (particularly the detestable Mr. Thorpe).

I admit to enjoying the work so far. There have been a few brief passages that I had to trudge through, but otherwise it has been an easy and enjoyable read.

I hope the others will be as enjoyable as this one has been so far, but I keep my hopes low. I started "Sense and Sensibility" a year or two ago and never finished it.

I picked up a copy of "The Complete Novels of Jane Austen" published by Wordsworth Editions at Half Price Books for $9.98.

Sunday, Sunday

el Seco — 2010-01-04 19:04:04

Yesterday, Sunday, three interesting things happened in church that I want to share:

Someone stood up and began to testify about Batman. That's right, he said "I believe in Batman." Why would he say such a thing? I do not know, yet he did, and I am a bit chagrinned to admit that I could not restrain my chuckles.
There is a new member named Bobby Lee Justice. That's right. Bobby Lee Justice. He sports a beard in the Greek style... like Brigham Young, you know, full beard but no mustache. With a name like Bobby Lee Justice he was sort of like a Minnonite superhero. He was immediately my favorite person in the room.
We had a lesson on goals. Someone raised his hand and described how he had set a goal to become a black belt in karate but had to adjust it when he broke his leg. Someone else raised a hand and asked why he decided to become a black belt in the first place. Without missing a beat, he looked right at the man and with a straight face said, "The Karate Kid." I immediately did a fist pump in the air as every guy in the room exclaimed "yeah" in unison.

I love church... Not just for the aforementioned happenings, but they do make things more interesting and fun.

I'm So 2010

el Seco — 2010-01-01 12:29:34

Happy New Year. It is amazing to me how quickly the years go by. Every year seems to flow by even faster than the last.

In the spirit of the new year, I propose we post some resolutions for 2010. I will start.

In 2010, I resolve to:

Read all six major works of Jane Austen, starting with Northanger Abbey today. That's right kids, if you are reading along with me. Pick up your copies of the book and start reading today!
Begin and maintain a running regimen. This will likely be the toughest one for me, but I must get in shape, so despite how much I hate running, I will do it. I have not worked out the specifics yet, but I will soon.
Take an extended trip to a foreign country. Giullieta did it, and I will not be outdone by Giullieta.

Political Agnosticism

Giullieta — 2009-12-29 07:40:09

Last night I had a discussion with my mother that once again focused on political leanings. For most of my adult life, she and my brother have tried to convince me to join their opinions (and I do mean that literally) regarding political matters. This has been a point of tension in my family, and one of discomfort in dealing with friends and acquaintances. I dislike politics, I don't fully understand politics, and I can never bring myself to come to a conclusion or decision that I'm comfortable with when it comes to most political issues. Going one step further, I've seen politics tear up relationships, and even turn people away from the gospel. Some people say they don't believe in organized religion because it has done some ugly things. That's how I feel about politics, and to me, it's okay. I don't have to like politics. God governs all.

Life as an expatriate has afforded one major advantage in that it's easy to be politically abstinent. Now I'm not saying that I'm not proud of my country or its leaders past and present. Nor am I completely ambivalent towards issues that clearly go against gospel principles. I'm just relieved to be in a situation that can allow information to exist in my mind outside of rhetoric. But the headache has returned while on holiday in the States.

It's somewhat ironic that the last discussion I had with anyone before leaving Czech was political. The only one I've had since moving to Prague in fact (and I went to see the President speak earlier that year which tells you how void of politics the foreigner's lifestyle can be). My Slovak (the object of unrequited affection) came to bid me farewell, and we chatted for hours of differences between our two worlds. When the subject turned to politics, I was amazed to find that I was genuinely enjoying the conversation (I realize my infatuation was likely a contributing factor). I told him that I had never had a discussion with anyone about politics where a person was simply stating occurrences and events without bias. I then felt comfortable enough to tell him of my feelings regarding my own involvement in politics, and asked what made him so interested in it. His answer was one that completely changed my perception.

He told me that as a Slovak, he's old fashioned, and as a man, it's his duty to follow what is happening in local government. It will be his responsibility to ensure the security of his family and understand the political and economic climate in which they reside. Needless to say, I felt pretty dumb for never seeing things that way, and it all at once made sense.

So what now? My feelings towards personal political involvement still hasn't changed. Getting involved has always felt like trying to jump onto a moving train, and in the words of the British, I just can't be bothered.

As I was speaking to my mother, I come to the following conclusion: I'm okay with being a political agnostic, but when it comes time to marry, I hope I can find someone with the same regard for politics as my Slovak. If I should be so lucky, I would trust that his decisions would be in the best interest of our family, and would prayerfully take his advice. I could be relieved, yet involved. I realize that this statement will undoubtedly evoke very impassioned responses from fellow ranters, but it feels good to finally know where I stand in a place where I've always felt like an outsider. Perhaps this will change as I get older, but for now, it'll do.